• “You can do better – but you don’t have to!” | An open letter •

• “You can do better – but you don’t have to!” | An open letter •

Dear Alessandra,

I’m very upset with → your blog post about me and honestly dislike this idea for your column. Not because you don’t like → my outfit – that’s just a matter of taste and nobody has to like my looks. It’s because you simply destroyed the message I keep trying to convey to my readers – wear whatever you want, whenever you want! – and which I want them to understand and live with three little words: not at all.

There are always other options to wear an outfit, better ones and some that look worse. You can always “do better” in someone else’s opinion. That’s why bloggers like to share their looks – to inspire their readers. To empower them to try new things, have fun with fashion, ignore what others think about them and just be free.

Lu-zhiet-an-coulotte-modificato

But taking someone’s picture WITHOUT ASKING, modifying it WITHOUT ASKING and well, in general saying that my outfit sucks like this (even though you used nicer words – but remember the post title “not at all”) isn’t okay. And it’s still not okay when you cover my face. And by the way: I’d definitely not look unhappy in the left picture, my original look, but very unhappy in your version of it. Don’t expect people to be happy about your styling “advice” that nobody asked for!

[Here’s a tip: ASK PEOPLE BEFORE YOU SHAME THEM if they want to be a part of your posts because not everyone will act like me, not everyone will take your post as “advice”, some will be offended and your posts might destroy their confidence! Also, there’s something called COPYRIGHT, so make sure you’re allowed to use the pictures (covering the face is no excuse!) because not everyone will act like me and write you why your posts are so horribly wrong – some could use their right to contact a lawyer because you stole their pictures for something that’s definitely not okay!]

Let me also explain that your idea for your look may be a better version of it by using Photoshop and adjusting the clothes to make my body look like it has a certain shape, but: In real life, with this kind of trousers, my short legs would look like elephants’ because my hips and butt need a EU size 48 while my lower legs are pretty slim. Pants like these aren’t cut like in your modified picture – no slimming at the knees, no shape for my legs. And my upper body is an average size 42/44, so the difference would be way too big and make everything look misshaped. A long jacket always hides my small waist which should actually be accentuated, and especially blazers that are longer (or let’s say any jacket that’s longer than boleros) don’t work for me because of the above-mentioned problems (there is no blazer or so that’s a 42 around the shoulders and chest and a 48 around the hips at the same time).

All in all, your idea of a better version of my look would make my 1.60m body look a lot bigger and fatter (which actually is no problem at all – fashion is not only about looking slimmer! – but you wrote about flattering) with a tiny head on top – not even a wide-brimmed hat could help to create a nice symmetry up there.

But seriously: I truly prefer my creativity, my uniqueness and my will to do and wear what I want, even though it may not be flattering, because I like it and feel great in it instead of letting strangers “optimize” me just to make themselves happier with how I look or should look for them.

I also had a look at the other two posts of your → “You can do better” column and I’m very sad and also pretty mad about your choice of words. Please stop using words like “defect” while describing others! Actually, stop describing people altogether! Stop talking about fashion “laws”! And stop thinking that your “optimizations” are improvements to the bloggers’ outfits! You are simply insulting other bloggers! And it is incredibly upsetting that it’s always the plus women themselves bashing other plus women. What you are doing is completely wrong! Especially because nobody – not me, certainly not Tanesha, and probably not the last girl, either, whose picture you used without even linking to her blog – asked you to do this!

I also want to repeat, especially for my readers: if you love your outfit and feel great in it – flaunt it. There’s no need to hide your flaws, no need to please someone else but you – only you.

And lastly, for you, Alessandra: don’t you ever tell someone what they can wear “not at all”. Just don’t.

Written by Luciana
Hello everyone, my name is Luciana, I'm 27, and the creative mind of "Lu zieht an." I was born in Germany but I'm half Brazilian, that's why you can read this blog in German and English - but feel free to write and ask me anything in Portuguese. I love and live fashion, am obsessed with sunglasses and bright lipsticks and the world's biggest sushi and steak lover. Follow me for daily updates on Instagram (@luziehtan). ♥
25 comments
  • Hallo liebe Lu,
    ich persönlich mag deinen Blog sehr, auch wenn mir nicht immer jeder deiner Looks gefällt. Aber “Kritik” zu üben auf diese Art und Weise, wie es diese Alessandra getan hat, finde ich unmöglich (es hat etwas von hinterm Rücken lästern; von der Copyright-Sache mal ganz abgesehen). Auch wenn sie beteuert, dass es ihr “nur” um das Outfit ging, jede Frau ist anders d. h. an jeder Frau sieht das gleiche Outfit anders aus. Also ist Kritik am Outfit auch immer Kritik an der Frau/Person die das Outfit trägt (egal, ob das jetzt “schlechter” Geschmack ist, falsche Figur, falsche Farbe, falscher Schnitt, oder alles zusammen).
    Von der Medienwelt wird uns ein Ideal diktiert, dem die wenigsten Frauen entsprechen. Daher finde ich Blogs wie deiner umso wichtiger, dass es eben nicht nur EIN schön gibt, sondern VIELE, in allen Größen (sowohl Kleidergröße, als auch Körpergröße).
    Ich bin selbst auch “nur” 1,57m und kenne das Problem mit Schnitten/Proportionen zu gut. Was an großen, schlanken Frauen gut aussieht, muss an mir klein und Kleidergröße 38/40 noch lange nicht gut aussehen.
    Du machst deine Sache toll!!

    LG

    • Danke dir! Es macht mich wirklich glücklich und auch ein bisschen stolz, dass ich so viele positive Rückmeldungen bekommen habe und es mir zeigt, dass ich nicht allein mit meiner Meinung dazu war. Auch, dass ihr alle hinter mir steht, ist wirklich toll. :)

      Es ist einfach noch ein sehr langer und steiniger Weg, bis Vielfalt wirklich funktioniert und alltäglich ist, aber solange kämpfe ich hier weiter und gebe mein Bestes, dem Ganzen eine Stimme zu verleihen. :)

  • Liebe Lu,

    ich bin gerade etwas sprachlos. Wie kommt diese Frau auf die Idee so einen Post zu verfassen? SIe hat deinen Blog wohl nicht verstanden oder möchte deine zahlreichen Follower nutzen um auf sich aufmerksam zu machen.
    Es ist abgesehen von der rechtlichen Seite eine absolute Frecheit deine Bilder bzw. Outfits zu verändern, damit sie vorteilhafter aussehen. Ich kann es nicht mehr hören. Vorteilhaft ist es sich genau so wohlzufühlen mit dem was man trägt. Das scheint diese Frau nicht zu kapieren.
    Das genau liebe ich an deinem Blog und unterscheidet ihn auch von so vielen anderen Blogs. Einfach anziehen worauf man Lust hat, deine unbearbeiteten Fotos mit Cellulite und Dehnungsstreifen, ja so sehen wir kurvige Frauen aus. Das ist die Realität und die wird von der Werbung schon genug verschleiert.
    Zudem kommt noch, dass ich mich frage wer diese Frau ist sich verschiedene Blogger raus zu picken und sie zu kritisieren. Das ist doch das Schöne an der Blogwelt. Es gibt so viele verschiedene Blogs, die alle unterschiedliche Messages, Outfits und Vorstellungen haben und wenn mir einer davon nicht passt, dann klicke ich ihn nicht an.
    Ich weiß du lässt dich von so einer Frau nicht unterkriegen, trotzdem verstehe ich deinen Ärger.
    Leider scheint diese Frau auch nicht die hellste Kerze auf der Torte zu sein, wenn sie ohne Einverständnis Bilder auf ihrem Blog verwendet.
    Aber bloggen will eben gelernt sein und du machst bitte genau so weiter.
    Ganz liebe Grüße,
    Rebecca

  • Liebe Lu ich finde das dir gegenüber so unglaublich respektlos…..wenn man bedenkt wieviel Arbeit hinter diesen Bildern steckt,die du für uns bei Wind und Wetter machst,du zeigte uns Stil,Style und Freude an der Mode,egal für welche Groesse ,ich danke dir so sehr dafür und hoffe,dass du damit niemals aufhörst.Ganz liebe Grüße Carmen.

  • Liebe Lu,

    ich bin ja nun geneigt zu sagen, das Du eine Kolumne schreiben solltest mit der Überschrift “You can do better” oder “You should NOT AT ALL” und das Thema Bodyshaming aufzugreifen. ;-)
    You can do better – love yourself!
    You can do better – live and let live!
    You should NOT AT ALL – shame anybody!
    You should NOT AT ALL – think that anybody else is more or less worth than yourself!
    to be continued

    Einen virtuellen Schmatz und Blumen für das Aufgreifen dieser virtuellen Unsäglichkeit, die hoffentlich für immer im ebensolchen virtuellen Orkus verschwunden ist!

      • Moin,

        ja, ich weiß – aber ich spiele gerne mal ein bißchen mit provokativen Wörtern.
        Aber die Wirkung wäre sowieso nur für die “Insider” wirklich erkennbar.

        Freue mich auf Deinen nächsten Private :-)

  • Well said! I enjoy your creativity and uniqueness immensely. Although my own shape is completely different than yours, I’ve learned so much from you about how to style an outfit. The outfit on the right is not unnatractive, it’s just boring and would make you look like a 50 year old. Whereas your outfit has balance and is youthful, fun and flattering.most importantly, it’s “you”.

  • Gelinde gesagt eine Unverschämtheit dieser Dame! Macht man sowas, um mehr Klicks zu bekommen, oder ist sie wirklich so naiv?
    An Deiner Stelle hätte ich mich aber mit keinem Wort gerechtfertigt, warum Du das Outfit so trägst, wie Du es trägst und nicht anders!
    LG Elke

    • So wie ich das verstanden habe, dachte sie wirklich, sie tut damit etwas Gutes. Böse gemeint hat sie es sicher nicht, aber sie hat einfach nicht verstanden, dass das SO komplett falsch ist. Ich fürchte, wenn ich all ihre Rechtfertigungen lese, hat sie das auch jetzt noch nicht.

      Was ich zu dem Outfit geschrieben habe, war lediglich, um ihr zu zeigen, dass das manche gar nicht so machen können oder eben auch nicht wollen, wie sie es gerne hätte.

  • Dear Luciana,

    first of all, I’m pleased to meet you even if not in a proper nice way. So, let me clarify from the beginning that this is an excuse letter, and it was not at all my intention to upset anybody.

    I started bloggin very recently, intentions and aim of my blog are surerly not clear yet, as the website is not complete in all its parts and many descriptions and explications are still missing. If I lack of fairness, I’m sorry about that and I present my excuses. For sure it’s the result of my inexperience in this field linked to the willing of doing a lot.

    I’ve already cancelled the posts, as I really didn’t want to upset anyone and I totally understand and respect your point of view, even if my intentions were misunderstood.

    In your open letter you describe me as if I have used only negative words referring to you or the two other bloggers, but this is not true. I know than when we’re hurt, it easy to see everything negativetely, but let me underline that first of all in my post I write that i like your blog and about you that “she has a beautiful face and a good taste, and she always manages to have some very pleasant looks.”

    These are the real feelings I have to your regards, I like your job, I like how you push plus fashion to be forward, I like what you write and how, I adore how you make up. And, even if I was really surprised, in a certain way I liked your open letter: even if there were no gentle words for me, you’ve been respectful.
    Respect is for me a sacrosanct principle: my parents tought me to live respecting other people, but it became an incredibly firm value for me from when I was an adolescent and I was mistreated by my classmates abut my weight. Feeling so bad, I started living with in my heart the refrain “Don’t do unto others what you don’t want others do unto you”. So believe me if I say that I didn’t want to upset anyone.

    Let’s speak then about why I did these blog posts. I’ve always been curvy (if we want to call it so, or overweight, or however you want to define it), but I’ve also always been, since a was a little child, passionated by fashion. Since I was a child, I dreamt of becoming a fashion designer. I struggled a lot (as I start describing in my yet untranslated post “Su di me: storia di come sono arrivata a studiare moda” = “About me: how I succeded to study fashion”) and I succeeded in my target. It has been hard because not being skinny in the fashion world looks like, for the majority of fashion addicted, like a nonsense. I’ve always tried to enhance my body, and I builded a very strong identity also in the way I used to dress myself. Find the right combinations, emphasize the good points, cover my weaknesses, create new proportions, invent tricks… were my constant task.
    But my body type was not easy to dress, as I used to have a very small waist and very strong thighs. To find a trouser for me it was like to find a needle in a haystack. Since I became more than a EU 42, it became harder and harder. In the last years, I became always more sensitive to the lack of nice and attractive clothing for a fashionable and overweight girl like me. I started dreaming about creating a brand new collection to be really cool and fashionable, for curvy girls.
    The blog is part of this dream, as I want to study the needs of girls and women that feel this need, understand what they like, what they would want, and what is missing in the clothing market. The blog post “you can do better” has the aim to analyze the garments and how, being different, they could enhance more the body. All the modifications I imagined are about clothing. I never wanted to discuss the personal style, I wanted to underline how, if garments were different, they could differently show the body.
    You write that you don’t think my modifications enhance your body. Well, this is, as you say, a personal taste. Sincerely, from the picture I thought you were much taller than 1,60 m, and this is for sure thanks to your competent way of dressing up, and your proportioned body. Said that I have, as you also write about you, important legs, overall in the hip and thigh part. When I was designing for a very important jeans brand, I was always trying to put into the collection nice jeans that I could wear and fit well. I liked a lot flare pants, were my thighs could enter, but I always conceived them with a tighter knee point, to enhance and flatter the leg. I am convinced that a pant well done and constructed of this kind can be perfect for a pear shaped body. Though I know that in plus size clothing is pretty impossible to find pants with this cut, but I’m sue that they would be good sellers, if existing. At the same way, I think it’s difficult to find a plus size fitted jacket/blazer that cover the hip but enhance waist and breast. I personally think your small waist is emphasized in anyway by wearing a white and fitted t-shirt. If the jacket was fitted as drawn, it will also show your sinuous shape at the waist.
    So… my arguments were about clothing, not the style.
    Maybe I used the wrong words to describe it. Maybe I didn’t clarify my aim. For sure I couldn’t use the same language skills in English or French as I have in my mother tongue, Italian. But believe me that I translated to “not at all” a sentence that is very soft and not so negative. Simply, I couldn’t find another short and clear translation. I always try, tests, to be correct and smooth. If I make some mistake or if I shame in someway, it’s totally involuntary. My aim is to attract women like me, not to distance them. Just to make an example, the title “You can do better” in Italian and French is impersonal. In italian I used “si” and in french “on”, that are impersonal pronouns that don’t refer to someone specifically, but someone in general. Unfortunately I couldn’t find the same concept translated in English.
    Regarding the copywrght, before taking your picture I looked into your blog if there were some restrictions, and I couldn’t find any. As I pin with Pinterest one image in total legality, I downloaded it. I did the modifications on clothing to show how, in my opinion, they could fit well the body. But I coverred the face with a smile as I thought that it was not correct that an anauthorized modified image could circle and been published.
    About asking the permission, sincerely I couldn’t imagine to have the possibility of getting the attention of such an important blogger, and I simply didn’t think about it. This is caused by my desire of doing linked to inexperience. I will probably need to think deeper before publishing something.
    I don’t agree, anyway, about the fact that I’m insulting other bloggers modifying their clothes. I am only showing how, if clothes are slightly (or more evidently) modified they can give a different aspect of the same body. For sure I modified them with my taste, but this is in my mind and I cannot take it off. If you don’t like the modifications, it’s a matter of taste and probably you won’t love my personal style. But in Italian we use to say “Il mondo è bello perché è vario” ( meaning litterally “the world is beautiful because it is varied”, maybe similar to the English phrase “variety is the spice of life”).
    Please believe that I am very far from wanting to shame anybody.
    My aim is to emphasize the lack of offer in the curvy / plus size clothing world. As the title of my blog says “Plus Belle” (= more beautiful) means that also who is, for example, heavier than normal can be beautiful, also more beautiful than a lot of others.
    I always defined myself in Italian ,speaking about the body, “morbida”, that means soft but has no proper translation in English. Now there is this “Curvy” word that looks, for many, more acceptable and no-shaming. Well, if we want to use it, I think curvy girls and women have a much stronger power possibility of seduction than others. The softness of the body and the welcoming feeling gave by the sinuosity of curves is instinctively very attracting on men’s unconscious.
    So I want girls and women to feel beautiful, to love themselves. And I think clothing can be an instrument to empower this feeling and feel even more attractive. The problem, I think, is that plus size clothing is usually built to cover the bodies, whereas I think it should discover the beautiful parts and camouflage the weakest ones (that I’ve always called, reffering to me, defects, that in Italian has tough a lighter meaning than in English). I want more beautiful and appropriate clothes for curvy an plus size girls. And if I can, I’d want to partecipate in creating them. Only who knows difficulties and real problems in finding the right garments can, in my opinion, create the perfect wardrobe for who find the same complications.
    I hope, in the future, to be able to let people understand properly my aim, and possibly share it. In order to create always a stronger creed that plus size clothing can be fashionable, comfortable, qualitative and attractive and can make feel a girl sexier, cooler, definetely right. I hope a plus fashion charming also for normal weight girls. A piece that one can wear and her slim friend ask where it’s been bought because she wants it too.
    And to avoid misunderstanding, I want to underline that for me it’s importnat that anyone feels well and love first of all herself. There is no way to be loved if first we don’t love ourselves. Beautiful clothing can be bought and worn for pure personal pleasure. But as we live in a society, we have to compare and live together with other people. And where there are many people, there are many way of thinking and judges are inevitable. I’m sure that the biggest part of us would like to be positively judged by others, and if clothing can help to do so, I personally want to dress the best I can.
    I respect in any case who don’t bother about other’s opinion. Dress with what and how you like.
    This is the message I believe in, this is what I wanted to point out, this is what I meant. Sorry again to you Luciana and all the other people who felt badly about my posts. I’m one of you, I want everyone to feel well, happy and lovely.

    Best,
    Alessandra

    • Thank you for your apology. I think I have clearly pointed out where the problems were and as you can see, I’m not the only one that disliked it.

      I actually understand your intentions but you did it all in such a wrong way that all I want to say is that if you want to write a blog and change something about the plus size industry
      – first, write a blog about yourself, share your very own experiences and tell the world what you need in terms of changes for yourself
      – second, NEVER EVER just take pictures from the internet, because every picture has its copyright – there is no need for restrictions and nothing has to be written around it – you just don’t steal pictures, no matter what your intentions are and also, especially modifying pictures can be VERY expensive if someone that’s not as nice as me contacts a lawyer and makes you pay for this
      – and last, please just don’t do it all on your own, because what you did here didn’t please anyone (as you probably understood now). You NEED to ask people before if they want to be criticized, no matter if positively or negatively, because not everyone wants this.

      Also, if you want to be a plus size designer, please don’t do the same thing as the current plus size industry and hide people. What I saw in your posts was simply hiding the “defects”, like you said, and hiding the bodies. You wanted to hide what I actually WANT to show. Not every fat person wants to be hidden under clothes. And maybe if you change your mind about this, you can really start and be a good designer.

      One last thing, regarding your last sentence: if you want everyone to feel well, happy and lovely, don’t call them out saying what could be done better or what’s wrong, don’t write on your blog about what should be hidden when it comes to their (!) bodies. If you want everyone to feel well, happy and lovely, after what I saw, please either leave them alone or tell them nice things instead of shaming their bodies.

    • Dear Luciana,
      with regard to copywright, in my aim I was using the image in a Fair way. I clearly understood you got upset with it, it is always difficult to accept criticism.

      But if we are ready to put ourselves and our image in a public website, this will bring inevitably some critics, and hopefully more compliments. We have to be ready for that. And I am, as I received your one and others’ about my job. But I’ve been ready to make a step backword, because my intention is to please, not to shame.
      I will surely take into consideration some of your suggestions, and thanks for that.

      With regards to how a plus size collection should be, I report what i wrote yesterday:
      “The problem, I think, is that plus size clothing is usually BUILT TO COVER BODIES, WHEREAS I THINK IT SHOULD DISCOVER THE BEAUTIFUL PARTS and camouflage the weakest ones”.
      I am convinced of what I wrote, even if (from what I understood today) many of you think it’s important to feel free to show everything.
      I personally try to chase beauty, if I can. And in my taste beauty is made of proportions working in a certain way among them. I persist with my opinion and, if I can, I want to try to look as much beautiful as I can. And if I can camouflage my weakest part, I do it! The important thing is that it doesn’t appear as a cover that have to hide, but a part that is balanced with the rest and possibly enhance some good points.

      And for me, to be the best as I can is not a need originated from other’s opinions, but it’s my inner desire. When I feel right and comfortable with myself, I’m stronger, I can stand difficulties, I can go wherever I want. For me it is really a powerful sensation, and I know clothing can help to feel this way.

      If I’ll can give advices on how to feel better, I will. And it’s something I want to make through my blog as image consultant. Obviously I won’t have customers that think in the same way you do, but ok: it means I’m focusing on a different target.

      I know there are girls and women that needs to be more confident with themselves. Probably, when they will get this self-assurance, they will want to dress whatever and whenever they want, as you do.

      Last thing: obviuosly what happend yesterday upset me too, and last night while sleeping, I dreamt.
      I dreamt that by chance I met you after our letters exchange. We quickly speak again and the everything solved with an embrace and smiles, as we both understood and respect the other’s opinion.

      Well, I don’t think it will happen in reality, but I sincerely hope that you feel better and more serene now.

      Best,
      Alessandra

      • Oh, come on, I’m actually tired of this discussion because you still don’t (want?) to understand why everybody was so upset, but again:

        If you want to use images from others for your blog posts in a fair way, DON’T STEAL THEM! This has nothing to do with criticism, it’s simply the law. Copyright applies to EVERY picture and as long as you don’t ask the owner first in a proper way or buy the pictures from sites like Getty Images or so, you are NOT ALLOWED to use them for your purposes, no matter how.

        Also, the thing with being a public blog and having to accept criticism is the worst argument for what you did.
        Like you write, YOU try to chase beauty. In YOUR taste, beauty is made of proportions (…). YOU persist with YOUR opinion – but please don’t force them onto others!

        If you want to hide your “weakest parts” it’s absolutely okay to do so. Of course we all want to look best and if you feel better by hiding something about your body, that’s okay and nothing to be ashamed of. But just because you don’t feel good about something, be it about yourself or others, it doesn’t mean, that others want to hear or read your opinion on this and as long as nobody asks for it, they probably don’t want your advice of this (and in the end it is, no need to lie) body shaming column.
        If you want to show how you can do better with your own outfits, do so. Give advice by using your own pictures and not by criticising others, especially when you don’t ask them before you publish something like this.

        As I said, I understand that your intentions weren’t bad but you still don’t understand what you did wrong and that’s what leaves us all upset.
        I hope that in the near future you’ll finally get it and see that this kind of blog post won’t help anybody.

        I wish that especially you, since you also call yourself curvy, understand that by this you’re not helping other curvy ladies but putting them down. It’s sad that it’s always women bashing other women and even worse, fat/curvy women bashing fat/curvy women.
        That’s already a daily problem, a huge one. But especially as bloggers we should support each other and not do something like this.

        For me, I have nothing more to say. I said it all, I answered your comments twice and as long as you don’t stop justifying it all, for me, this conversation has no more sense.
        Anyways, thanks again for your apology and also again, please don’t ever start this column again.

    • Dear Alessandra,

      if you really want to know the needs of a person – you have to ask them.
      Maybe it is helpfull to think about a column with women together (!) and use your skills as a designer to make new clothing and styles with them together?
      Just a thougt.

      Best regards
      prinzessin_paprika

      • Liebe Lu,

        ich bevorzuge jetzt mal wieder meine Muttersprache – habe ja auch prompt Rechtschreibfehler in meiner Antwort an Alessandra entdeckt – aber mich lässt es gerade nicht los, das Frauen Frauen bashen.
        Hm, ich habe im Kontakt mit vielen Menschen festgestellt, dass oft Frauen von Frauen gebasht werden, die in das “weibliche Kurven” Schema passen (oder trotz nicht so “weiblicher” Rundungen körperbetont gekleidet sind).
        Als Frau mit eher “männlichen” Attributen wurde ich meist eher von Männern gebasht (unweiblich, unsexy, Anti-Frau usw.) und von befreundeten Frauen eher ermuntert wurde doch mal “weiblicher” zu sein.
        Ich stelle mal die These auf, dass ich bei Frauen seltener als Konkurrentin wahrgenommen werde und von Männern oft als “Gefahr” *hust*
        Meiner Meinung nach werden wir durch unser schon früh anerzogenes Konkurrenzdenken, die noch immer sehr feste Dualität was männlich und was weiblich zu sein hat und durch dieses schon sehr früh beginnende Vergleichen mit anderen dazu erzogen, das wir mit einem Beißreflex ausgestattet durch die Welt laufen – anstatt eben einfach mal entspannt leben und leben lassen und die Schönheit im anderen zu sehen – ohne sich selbst gleich als weniger wert zu betrachten.
        Das klingt jetzt sehr küchenpsychologisch und soll auch mehr auf eine Tendenz hinweisen.

        Aber tatsächlich ist meine Erfahrung eben so widersprüchlich zu der, die andere Frauen mit anderen gemacht haben.
        Darüber denke ich jetzt also noch etwas weiter nach….

        Liebe Grüße
        prinzessin_paprika

        • Da könntest du schon auch Recht haben. Ich denke, auch viel unseres gesellschaftlichen Idealbilds spielt da mit rein, denn wenn dicke Frauen von anderen dicken Frauen gebasht werden, liegt es einfach auch oft daran, dass diese eben unzufrieden mit sich selbst sind und das auf andere reflektieren. Nach dem Motto “ich bin auch dick und das würde ich nie tragen” – ich meine, wie oft liest man sowas? Zu oft!
          Generell wird es Zeit, beim Gegenüber nicht als erstes (oder eben mit am Anfang) nur den Körper bzw. die Figur zu sehen, davon müssen wir weg. Denn nur dadurch entstehen Vorurteile, Beurteilungen und dann eben auch das gegenseitige Gebashe.

          • Da fällt mir eine Begegnung vom letzten Sommer ein:
            Ich hatte mich in der Stadt mit einer Bekannten unterhalten – eine Seele von Mensch, schon über sechzig und im Großen und Ganzen selbstbewusst.
            Sie war dick, trug eine Leggins und superknappe Shorts plus enganliegendes Shirt. Meine Bekannte kam genau mit diesem Satz “ich würde das an ihrer Stelle nicht tragen”. Da meinte ich nur ganz ruhig und freundlich, das es doch jedem selbst überlassen ist, was er trägt und was nicht. Und ich finde es gut, wenn jeder tragen kann, worauf er Lust hat. Da hat sie dann gelächelt und sinngemäß gemeint: “Hast recht – ich sollte wohl eher an meinem Bewusstsein arbeiten”
            Ich habe mich gefreut über das selbstbewusste Auftreten der jungen Frau – yeah, Your Body! Not Sorry!

  • Just because Alexandra you don’t have enough confidence and want to cover all big girls, doesn’t mean that it is the right style for all of us…I like Lu because she is different, there is no right and wrong if you feel confident and happy, just check Iris Apfel and what she is wearing with 94, I love that lady ♡

  • Das ist ja mal ein starkes stück und zu recht bist du sauer. Ich liebe den originsl look von dir, weil er einfach kreativ und alles nur nicht 08/15 ist. Und das obwohl ich die art der hose nicht mag. Aber es funktioniert..der look ist gut durchdacht…maaaaan…ich bin sauer…weil es einfach frech ist. Diese leute sind es die mir den spass an mode vergällen..weil sie ungefragt ihre meinung ablassen, dabei gemein und überheblich sind und meinen mir einen wohlwollenden gefallen zu tun. Aaaarrrgh. Deine antwort auf diesen missbrauch deiner kunst find ich fabelhaft. Liebe grüsse Nicole

    • Danke, liebe Nicole!
      Weißt du, genau darum geht es mir – es sind solche Menschen, vor allem halt auch immer diejenigen, die es eigentlich besser wissen müssten (!), die anderen den Spaß versauen. Die andere an sich zweifeln lassen, anstatt sie zu ermutigen.
      Mich trifft sowas nicht, natürlich ärgert es mich, aber es bringt mich nicht davon ab, weiterhin das zu tragen, worauf ich Lust habe – auch auf die Gefahr hin, dass es weder ihr noch anderen gefällt. Aber andere lassen sich davon alles vermiesen. Und deshalb dieser Post. Weil die Aufmachung dieser Kolumne einfach von vorne bis hinten falsch ist – grundsätzlich könnte man aus der Idee nämlich bestimmt was machen, aber dann vor allem, indem man die Leute vorher fragt und sich nicht als Fashionpäpstin gibt, die bestimmt, was gut oder schlecht ist und was eben “not at all” geht.

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