• Time to grow up | IV – About getting divorced and unspoken words… •

• Time to grow up | IV – About getting divorced and unspoken words… •

It’s been a bit more than two weeks now, since I finally got divorced after about one year and a half. This was the last step of finishing a chapter of my life. I’ve been thinking a lot about what to write in this blog post. I feel like the divorce is putting a new label on me, even though I’m finally free. Even though I’ve been literally waiting every day for this moment, when my marriage is finally officially over. It felt like a huge weight lift from my heart when I came out of the court after those fifteen minutes, during which I had to see my ex for the last time and officially state that this marriage is over and that I definitely don’t pretend to make it work again. But being a divorced woman kind of labels me, even though it does not define me. This is something I will have to accept and surely will, as soon as possible. I’m glad that it’s over and I want to wear this label as proud as I can, because it all changed me in the most positive way.

The only thing is: I wanted to finally say something and had no chance to do so. You must know that our break-up happened without any personal contact. My ex decided to end our relationship taking the easiest way out: leaving me at my parents, driving back home alone without telling me so, hiding somewhere when I came after him, and then simply writing me a message on WhatsApp that it’s over. It was humiliating. I mean, the person I’ve spent 8 years with, decided to treat me so disrespectfully to end a marriage the most inappropriate way – via text message. And not even with an explanation. Back then, I decided to just take it like this and not say anything. But with the time going by, I wrote a letter to him which I actually wanted to give him on the day of our divorce. A letter which, at first, I was hoping he’d read because I had so much to say about the way he broke up with me. A letter which I almost forgot of after some time because it just became irrelevant – there was no need to say anything anymore. Just one last sentence.

But I didn’t say it. There was no chance to say it. So I’m writing it down.

I’m thankful for the past 18 months. Thankful for the chance to rewrite my life, to change myself, to be who I am now and who I’m going to be in the future. I’m not thankful for how I was „disposed“ but thankful for the decision to do it like this because it made everything easier for me. I’m thankful for the chance to understand that a person like this was never worth it to make my happiness and my life dependent of him, and to understand that I’m the only one to make my life the life I want to live. I don’t need someone else to make me happy.

So here it goes:

Thank you.

• Time to grow up | III – About fears and worries… •

• Time to grow up | III – About fears and worries… •

Now that everything got pretty much serious, after → moving and my start into the „normal“ work life (even though that was kinda „light“, since it’s still not a very regular story), being „alone“ (even though I’m sharing a flat with my friend, I’m most of the time on my own) and the whole changing, there are a few fears that said hello again and about which I want to write today. Who knows, maybe it helps to put them into words and see what you’re about to fight – kind of a #BucketListofFears.

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• Time to grow up | I – Previously on… •

• Time to grow up | I – Previously on… •

You know that situation – after 8 years in a relationship you get kicked via WhatsApp (very short version of my break-up) and then you’re kinda lost with your 27 years – on one hand, because you’re desperately sad, on the other hand, because you somehow got used to that other person and living together with him. You already know what happened → after the break-up, and I’m proud that I’m able to say that I fought my way back into life. I worked hard on my anxiety, created a → bucket list and already checked off a few things, and I had a big goal: coming back to Hamburg.

I finally reached that goal last Sunday and now I’m diving deep into a new adventure. Growing up. With 28. Truth is: I stand by what I’ve done in my life and I stand by my decisions and who I am – but I don’t think that I’m actually grown-up yet (well, when are you?). I had a very sheltered childhood, always felt safe and then ended up in a long-term relationship – I’ve never been alone and I had always got it made, first from my parents, then from my now ex. And then I got thrown into ice-cold water and rescued myself back to my mom and dad – I think that’s a logical reaction, if you’re forced to leave the appartment in which you were living together and can’t find an own place that fast and cannot afford the costs because – and that’s what happens if a blog is also based on pictures – your job is ruined after a separation.

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