• Time to grow up | I – Previously on… •

• Time to grow up | I – Previously on… •

You know that situation – after 8 years in a relationship you get kicked via WhatsApp (very short version of my break-up) and then you’re kinda lost with your 27 years – on one hand, because you’re desperately sad, on the other hand, because you somehow got used to that other person and living together with him. You already know what happened → after the break-up, and I’m proud that I’m able to say that I fought my way back into life. I worked hard on my anxiety, created a → bucket list and already checked off a few things, and I had a big goal: coming back to Hamburg.

I finally reached that goal last Sunday and now I’m diving deep into a new adventure. Growing up. With 28. Truth is: I stand by what I’ve done in my life and I stand by my decisions and who I am – but I don’t think that I’m actually grown-up yet (well, when are you?). I had a very sheltered childhood, always felt safe and then ended up in a long-term relationship – I’ve never been alone and I had always got it made, first from my parents, then from my now ex. And then I got thrown into ice-cold water and rescued myself back to my mom and dad – I think that’s a logical reaction, if you’re forced to leave the appartment in which you were living together and can’t find an own place that fast and cannot afford the costs because – and that’s what happens if a blog is also based on pictures – your job is ruined after a separation.

Continue reading →

• Private XXIV | Different •

• Private XXIV | Different •

I want to be different. Don’t get me wrong, this is not going to be an “I’m so much better than the others” or “I’m such a special snowflake” post – but it’s going to be an honest one telling you that the current image of plus-size bloggers and/or influencers does not make me happy. In fact, I’m pretty annoyed right now by the whole way of appearance the business chose to go for. And I’m annoyed by the fact that I’m somehow a part of it.

I am definitely not prudish or pedantic, but I believe that the whole current “sex sells” thing is kind of becoming too much and also not really helpful for how plus-size actually wants to be seen by the world. We keep asking for acceptance and tolerance and at the same time there are so many of my colleagues posting clearly sexual, sometimes even pretty cheap-looking pictures or videos of them on Social Media, obviously looking for attention and craving for followers – not or just partly for the actual body positivity movement.

Yes, I myself have also already posted lots of photos of myself in underwear, even naked, and I’m a true believer that it has to be and is a part of body positivity and empowerment to love and also show yourself in a sexy way. But I feel like it’s kind of getting out of control and becoming a provocation and show-off instead of an actual statement.

I believe that sexuality and also pictures showing that fat people are sexy and have sex are important. These pictures have to be seen as well as skinny peoples’ sexuality in order to change something. The media needs women “like us” to show themselves the same way as skinny women in ads and on international catwalks. The world needs to see women of all kinds, without the “magic” of Photoshop but with the power of self-love and self-confidence that empowers other women to understand that they are amazing just the way they are. There is no need to look like a model, no need to try to look like an unrealistic ideal, no need to change yourself and force yourself into something you’re not. This also applies to disabled bodies, trans bodies and any other body that does not reflect our society’s ideal body type – the skinny and photoshopped one.

But I also believe that plus-size women can be and are so much more than just sexy. I believe that we don’t need to show ourselves all of the time in underwear or naked or upload provocatively sexual pictures when especially on Social Media the actual feedback comes mostly from very disgusting examples of men who don’t even give a fuck about our [body positivity] message but keep telling us how hot we are and then sending us dick pics or harassing us in any other way, while there might be only a handful of women who do think that this is awesome, but still too brave, so they say that they’d never do this cause they’re afraid.

You guys know how important body positivity is to me. And this post is not supposed to shame my blogging and instagramming colleagues. Still, I want to be different. I don’t want to be a part of the “sex sells” movement. Because I feel that I don’t belong to that kind of movement anymore. I don’t wanna promote body positivity by being naked all the time. By shaking my boobs in front of a camera. By showing my naked butt fullsized on a picture. By typing trivial quotes under racy pictures of myself I’d only send to my imaginary boyfriend.

I want to keep writing texts, inspiring and motivating you through words and an actual message.

Of course I’ll still be posting some underwear pictures from time to time. Just because they’re a part of it and because I’m a firm believer that we have nothing to hide as plus-size women. I know that “sex sells” will always be a thing and that’s fine – it’s been like that since what feels like forever and that’s okay. I just don’t feel like being a part of that. I’m actually annoyed that I’ve been a part of that superficial and hollow subculture. Being a fashion blogger is indeed a pretty hollow job if you don’t make it special enough by having a message. And of course, it’s also okay to be one without having a message – you don’t always have to have something to say and it’s not always about being a role model. I’ve never really seen myself as one, even though I know about the responsibility I have by posting pictures of me – however they look like. I know that I want to empower other women (and all genders/identities), I know that I want to motivate and inspire people. Show that being fat is not a problem or the end of the world. You are what you make of it. It’s on you to choose your way. And I chose mine.

• Hormone free | Update •

• Hormone free | Update •

[Werbung | Advertisement – collaboration with MonthlyCup]

Today’s marks exactly six months after I’ve decided to → stop taking the pill! Yay! As promised, I want to do an update with my experiences after quitting the pill. The next one will be after one year in total, so see you again in December! ;) Until then, here’s what happened in the last six months and how I’ve been doing. I really hope that my experiences will help other women to see that a life without the pill is a great decision and even though there are some cons on the list, it’s definitely a better choice to live a life without that little hormone bomb – if you can. Of course, there are cases in which the pill is a solution for certain problems and I will not say that the pill is “all evil”, but if you don’t need it, you should consider a life without it, even though it’s a pretty handy little thing.

Continue reading →

• Private XXIII | One year… •

• Private XXIII | One year… •

…or: what I learned from the end of my relationship.


Photos: Jacqueline Filmore


One year. Today officially marks the day of the end of my last relationship, a year ago. I moved on and I feel like it’s time to have a quick look back and talk about what I learned from everything that’s happened*. So many wonderful things happened in this year, → being single is absolutely fine and I’m actually enjoying it. It’s an amazing chance to be able to get to know myself after all these years. It was important for my very own personal growth and evolution and I’m actually thankful for that. So just in case my ex reads this: thank you for leaving me. You couldn’t have given me something better. You just chose the wrong way how to do it, but it doesn’t matter anymore.

After a break-up it’s hard to understand that this is not the end of the world. Especially if you’re not the one who made the decision to end it all. But luckily, after some time, you realize that there’s something good about it and that it’s actually true that if one door closes, at least another one opens. It took me a few months to accept my new life, my new situation, being single and “alone” but it also made me think about those 8 years in a relationship. Of course, I also found a few errors on my side, but – and that’s what matters in the end – I’ve learned a lot by reflecting about what went wrong. And that’s why I decided to change a lot… here’s 5 things I learned from the end of my relationship.

* I know you all want to know what happened but I still don’t really want to talk about it. Maybe, some day, I will – maybe not. The past is the past and I’m glad that I’ve gotten my closure, even though there’s still a divorce in front of me. Since there were some rumors of abuse: no. He didn’t hurt me physically. 

Continue reading →