• Recap | June •

• Recap | June •

Yay, we made it through the first half of the year! June is over and it was the most exciting month for me – because it brought the best news ever. I won’t torture you, so here’s the biggest news ever: I’m finally going back to Hamburg! It’s going to be a huge adventure for me and actually a part of my → #SingleBucketList, because I’m being kind of spontaneous and I’m doing new things. I’ll be moving in with a friend at first, we’re gonna share a flat and I’ll have a small room, so it’s gonna be a little bit like last year when I had to leave my stuff behind and could only bring the important things and my cat – that’s exactly what I’m gonna do again. I’m leaving most of my possessions at my parents and am currently packing my stuff for Sunday, when I’ll do another huge thing: I’m driving by car to Hamburg, which means about 6-7 hours of driving alone (with my cat who likes to leak out of all his holes in the car, so the smell is gonna kill me and we’re gonna have to take a shower together afterwards, haha!). I was always very afraid of that, but driving more after 7 years of not driving, kind of got me back at not being a bundle of fear in the car anymore. So I’m gonna do this and I’ll be insanely proud of myself when I arrive safe and sound at my old new home with my friend. I’m so happy and thankful that she gave me this possibility cause it will definitely make things easier for me to find my own place when I’m around. So here’s a little asking for help: if you know someone or anything about a flat – let me know! I’m happy for any tips!

And another exciting story: I found a job! I’m not gonna tell you yet which job I found, but if everything works out and I’m definitely in, you’ll be the first to know, promise! I went to Hamburg for a trial work day and it was so cool, I really loved it and had a lot of fun, so I can’t wait to start my new work! Of course, I’ll continue blogging, but as you already noticed, it’s not that easy to make it happen like all those years before. Plus, as you read in → my latest Private post, I don’t wanna be that shallow anymore, so I feel like the new me will need a new blog, somehow. I’ll have to find out how to work on the outfit posts, will have to find a new photographer (and will miss the amazing friend I made here, → Jacqueline, who took amazing pictures of me while being here!) and I want to start writing more, share stories with you and maybe also write more about Hamburg, places I love, experiences I’ll make with this new start. I’m so looking forward to all this! ♥

June also had another amazing experience for me: I went on my first real vacation. You know, I’ve → already been in Brazil before but, to be honest, that’s no vacation since it means spending time with my family. As much as I love my family, it’s super stressfull, plus Brazil really makes me nervous because it’s such a dangerous place, so that’s not really “going on a vacation”. So, it happened in the beginning of June that I kind of felt like doing something crazy and decided to go to Stockholm for five days. I found cheap flights and a nice hotel and booked my vacation in under five hours. It felt so incredible to do it, especially because I’ve always loved Scandinavia – when I was around 15 years old, I wanted to learn Finnish because I was a huge fan of the band Rasmus and that’s how my love for Finland began, but I also really liked Sweden, so when I saw this nice offer, I just went for it and flew to Stockholm on the 21st. I had a great time there, found a new friend but also spend time alone and overcame my fear of almost everything: I took the subway on my own, walked around unknown places alone, I even rented a car with my friend and drove it (so crazy – a year ago I was actually afraid of driving in Hamburg!), went for lunch and also dinner alone,… and I saw so many amazing locations, including a lovely lake where I spent a perfect summer day at. I’ll definitely come back again! ♥

And my last appointment of June was the last session with my therapist. I really have to say that this was the most amazing thing I’ve done in the twelve months. Such a good decision to start a therapy and getting help! I can only repeat how important it was for my development, especially after the break-up but also for my whole existence. It’s unbelievable how fearful I was, that I didn’t do anything anymore and how scared I was of living a normal life. It’s so amazing to see the progress I made, how many wonderful things I’ve done – from starting to drive again to going out on my own and even going all the way to a city where I’ve never been before, just to see a concert – alone. I’m proud of myself. And it makes me the happiest person ever to be able to say that. ♥

Continue reading →

• Recap | May •

• Recap | May •

May – a month of many changes and many great happenings! Let’s recap them all chronologically…

First, there was an event in Munich, the “About You Awards” – they were pretty interesting, as well as disappointing for the plus-size community, because we were only 3 official plus-size bloggers at the event and none of us was nominated in their social media categories. Two fellow bloggers, → Tanja and → Jules, decided to do a movement against this obvious ignorance called #WhatAboutUs? and so many people joined us. I also posted two pictures on Instagram, talking about how sad this is. You can find them → here and → here. I’m not expecting to be invited again next year, since I’m pretty sure that the promoters of this event are not happy with a guest talking about this while being there, but I’m fine with that, as long as there’ll be a change! It just can’t be that there’s an award show for “all things social media” (actually, there were a lot of categories missing, if you ask me), but there’s not one single plus-sized person at least nominated beforehand. We’re not asking for an extra category (cause that’d be kinda wrong as well), but there should be an acknowledgement of what “we” are doing, too!

Then, I’ve checked off yet another point from my → #SingleBucketList2018, yay! I went to the cinema alone and watched one of the most beautiful movies I’ve ever seen – “Call me by your name” (watch the trailer → here). I even loved it that much that I saw it a second time while in Hamburg, because I wanted to see the original version in English. And I’m currently reading the book. :) As you know, I love Sufjan Stevens – my latest tattoo is a quote from one of his songs – and I really loved → “Mystery of Love”, that’s why I wanted to see the movie! And now I’m super thankful for the experience of doing this on my own. Another thing I can do alone! BOOM!
I also kind of started to do more of my bucket list point “embrace adventures & be spontaneous” and a little bit of “go out for a club night with friends”. We’re getting there! ;)

And lastly, there’s a full week of Hamburg in my recap! One week of Northern goodness! ♥ And guess what? The week was perfect – a whole week of the most beautiful weather, summer-like and just amazing. And so many great things happened! I can’t write about all of them yet (didn’t visit Hamburg just for pleasure, but also for business), but here’s a list of what happened mostly:

  • Friends. I didn’t spend one day alone and enjoyed it so much. I met old friends and new friends, made a great new friendship and enjoyed absolute quality time with all of them!
  • The Harbor. If there’s a happy place for me in Hamburg, it’s the harbor. I love spending time at or on the river Elbe, especially when there’s such a great weather. I love feeling the wind on my skin, in my hair, in my face. It just makes me genuinely happy. And a Krabbenbrötchen at Brücke 10. Even though it costs a fortune.
  • Food & Drinks. Well, I didn’t eat that much, cause the warm temperatures make me a little nauseous, but the food I had was AMAZING. And of course, I went out for drinks with my besties and really enjoyed life to the fullest.
  • Walking. Like, a lot of walking. But I love it! It’s so easy to go for a walk in Hamburg, especially through the city or all those beautiful parks!
  • New places and new things. After all those years (drama!), I finally visited the Elbphilharmonie! And did something, no Hamburger really would recommend: Reeperbahn on Friday night. But it was so much fun! Even though it’s horribly packed, haha!

Books I read in May: “150 Days to Date” by Katharina Lang, “Dein perfektes Jahr” by Charlotte Lucas, “Vorwärts küssen – rückwärts lieben” by Sybille Hein. A short review collection is coming, I think it’s a good idea to do that in one post instead of reviewing them all one by one. :)

And one thing I stopped doing on May 30: using nasal spray. That’s kind of a confession, I’ve been using it for so many years and it’s terrible how addictive that stuff is and how hard it is to stop using it but I had a good day on May 30 and decided that today’s the day I’ll stop. And I’m standing it! So if you’re also addicted to nasal spray: it’s possible. You can stop. I believe in you! ♥

Continue reading →

• Recap | April •

• Recap | April •

Who thought that → March has already been super crazy, will be surprised that April was even more intense. I’m so glad I’m making such a great progress and that so many amazing things are happening in my life right now and that I’m the one responsible for it – not others. :) I’m pretty sure I was the most dependent person ever and I’m finally coming out of my cocoon of fears and anxiety and now I’m just living. ♥

I did a few crazy but funny things like → petting a fish in our local Botanical Garden (it’s fun, he really seems to like it!), gave a homeless person some money and a donut and spent about half an hour talking to her about life (and received a picture of her dogs which is now in my calendar forever), ate cupcakes alone (nobody judging me, haha!), sold a few clothes at the “Curvy Bloggerflohmarkt” in Fürth (and met some amazing new people!), went on a few → strolls through Hamburg and also here around the lake (finally moving my lazy ass again!) and – probably the craziest but best thing: went alone to Bad Homburg to → watch a concert and got rewarded with the → best day ever in my life. 

I went to Hamburg for a few days, originally to visit the launch event of the new “Happy Size x Michalsky” collection (such a cool party with lovely people!) and added a few more days for business and some quality time with my friends. This included a very important meeting with my new management (yay, finally found someone to help me!), my → first time in Blankenese (can you believe that I never went there in my three years living in Hamburg? #shameonme) and an important understanding: last time, I realized that I’m ready to go back to Hamburg – this time, I realized that I’m ready to do whatever it takes to get there. What I’m trying to say: I’m ready to change everything in my life. I bawled a lot when I realized that. And this is overwhelmingly great. ♥

Some thoughts about all that: I already said it in my post about my game-changing day – it’s great to live the experience that you don’t need someone else to be happy. It’s kind of brave to make that first step and do something alone. It’s not that easy if you’ve always been someone asking others to join you or if you simply don’t like being alone, but oh, it’s so worth it to just not think to much about it and JUST DO. It’s incredible how free and strong you feel afterwards, how amazing it is to see and understand that being alone is not that bad, that being alone does not mean that you’re lonely. You got the best company by your side: yourself. And if you’re not able to have fun with yourself – nobody will make you sufficiently happy in life, I guess. Of course it’s always cool to have someone around, someone you love or someone you like to spend time with, but it’s so important to understand that you don’t need that someone. And I’m so glad I made this experience a lot this month. ♥

Books I read in April: Tina Brömme – “Wie programmiert man Liebe?”, Helena Steegmann – “Tage wie Chili & Honig”, Petra Hülsmann – “Hummeln im Herzen”, Laura Kneidl – “Verliere mich. Nicht.”, Mark Lowery – “Die ganze nackte Wahrheit”.
I’m writing this down because I’m wondering if you’d like to read a single recap to all of them or if you’d like me to do one post with a collection of short reviews? I’ve still got a lot of books on my crazy stack and I also decided to do a wish list on Amazon, just in case someone wants to surprise me, haha!

Continue reading →

• Recap | March •

• Recap | March •

March was full of surprises and new experiences. New people, new places, new feelings (nah, no romance!). I’ve officially checked off something from my → Single Bucket List! I went out for dinner alone! Well, I kind of cheated a little bit on that one because I chose my favorite sushi place which is kind of like visiting my second family, haha! But I made it and went out on my own. And ate alone. I did it and I’m proud of that. It’s probably not super crazy but somehow a big step for me. I took a bus to the city and went there like it’s absolutely normal. I ordered, I ate and afterwards met a friend for cocktails (ha, celebration time!). Done! ;) I also went out on an afternoon alone to a lake nearby. This is something I would’ve never done before – but it was a sunny day, the first one that was actually warm enough to leave your house only with a denim jacket, and I just felt like doing it. So that’s what I did. Just like that.

Continue reading →