Sign up with your email address to be the first to know about new products, VIP offers, blog features & more.

My mood these days: desperate queen. 🙆🏼‍♀️ Bin nach wie vor nicht gerade glücklich (und man sieht es mir an) zur Zeit, aber das mit dem Aufstehen und Krönchen richten mache ich halt einfach wortwörtlich. Wäre ja blöd, einfach aufzugeben!

My mood these days: desperate...

Serenity. ♥️ #hamburgloveistruelove

Serenity. ♥️ #hamburgloveistruelove

[Werbung wegen Verlinkung] Letzten Monat auf der @eatandstyle kennengelernt und direkt mal verkuppelt: das wunderbare Grapefruit Tonic Water von @luscombedrinks.germany und der Sloe Gin von @feingeisterei_finespirits - ein perfect Match! ♥️

[Werbung wegen Verlinkung] Letzten Monat...

[Werbung | Advertisement] Monday got me like... okay, ist gelogen. So leicht bekleidet und happy bin ich an diesem Montag nicht, aber es ist trotzdem ein guter Tag - und wenn ich das Foto anschaue, kriege ich sowieso gute Laune, das war nämlich ein toller Tag mit @sueperbthelabel @keentheagency und @julia_marie_werner - und die Bilder von diesem fröhlichen Look gibt’s grad alle auf dem Blog! 😉 | 📷 @julia_marie_werner

[Werbung | Advertisement] Monday got...

Spucki und ich wünschen euch einen schönen ersten Advent. ♥️ Seid lieb zueinander!

Spucki und ich wünschen euch...

[Werbung | Advertisement] Auf dem Blog gibt’s einen neuen Look von meinem Shoot mit @sueperbthelabel und @secondellahamburg - würd‘ mich freuen, wenn ihr vorbeischaut! 💙 | 📷 @julia_marie_werner

[Werbung | Advertisement] Auf dem...

[Werbung wegen Verlinkung] So this happened yesterday... 🖤 Thanks to the most wonderful and talented @rei.ink who created an absolutely perfect dream of a floral tattoo for me.

[Werbung wegen Verlinkung] So this...

[Werbung wegen Verlinkung] Mal wieder ordentlich angezogen in eurem Feed, haha! 😉 Das hab‘ ich gestern beim X-mas Fashion Dinner mit @ernstingsfamily im @thefontenay_hamburg getragen und mich unheimlich über so viele Komplimente gefreut! Es war ein toller Abend, mit schöner Kleidung, leckerem Essen und wunderbaren Drinks! ♥️ #plussize #plussizeoutfit #plussizeblogger #luziehtan #celebratemysize #honormycurves #effyourbodystandards

[Werbung wegen Verlinkung] Mal wieder...

[Werbung wegen Verlinkung] Happy Sunday! No clothes, no problems - oder so ähnlich, haha! Ich bin ja nicht so der größte Fan von irgendwelchen deepen Sprüchen unter Instagramfotos, die meistens nicht mal wirklich zueinander passen, aber eins kann ich euch sagen: auch in dunklen Zeiten sollte man nicht vergessen, dass es wieder besser wird. Das muss ich mir grad selbst immer wieder ein bisschen vorhalten, denn seit einem Monat läuft hier einiges nicht so wie es sollte, aber ich will auch nicht aufgeben. Ich kämpfe grade sehr mit allem, vor allem auch mit mir selbst und meinem alten Ich, den Depressionen, Ängsten und Zweifeln. Ich weine viel, auch oft einfach so ganz plötzlich, dabei will ich nicht mehr so negativ sein, auch wenn es halt nunmal grad sehr negativ ist. Aber ich hab‘ mich in den letzten 1,5 Jahren so sehr aus dem Loch gekämpft, in dem ich war, und da will ich nicht wieder zurück. Ich habe so viele positive Veränderungen in meinem Leben erlebt (und glücklicherweise auch mit euch auf dem Blog geteilt) und schaue immer wieder mit Stolz darauf zurück. Ich will stark sein. Für mich selbst und meine Zukunft. Also kämpfe ich weiter und dann lasse ich auch diese dunklen Zeiten wieder hinter mir! Tschakka! ♥️ (Und WTF? Wie konnte dieser Post jetzt so unschuldig anfangen und so tiefgründig enden? Upsi.) | 📷 @theblondefreckles

[Werbung wegen Verlinkung] Happy Sunday!...

[Werbung wegen Verlinkung] #meinanutshell - bei Blödsinn immer als Erste mit dabei. Siehe Stories für das Ganze in Bewegtbild! Habt noch ein schönes Wochenende, ihr Lieben! ♥️ | 📷 @julia_marie_werner

[Werbung wegen Verlinkung] #meinanutshell -...

• #BeachBodyNotSorry | Zenaya •

By Posted on 14 4K views

Today’s #BeachBodyNotSorry look is a bit different – first of all, because we shot it in the studio, so there’s no beach or pool around. But I think that’s okay, because it’s mainly about the message I want to spread with my annual project. :)

You may remember the project I shot last year with Sung-Hee, called “Female Diversity”, for which I posed naked – I used them for → this very personal blog post. This time, we went for clothing, even though most of the results are in lingerie. We’ve decided to work on underwear shots that are not primarily supposed to be sexy and/or erotic, which is not that easy to shoot when you’re wearing hot stuff, but I think we created some amazing pictures and you will get to see a few of them in some upcoming posts (still has to fit somehow, right?). 

I think, this one is my last #BBNS post for 2018, cause I won’t really be able to shoot that soon – there’s still some chaos because of moving, I really need to find a photographer and I didn’t bring new stuff to shoot. It’s gonna be interesting how everything will develop, blog-wise. And I hope that next year, I’ll be able to show you more beachwear again. 

Today’s photos are a bit different than the others I’ve been using for my project, but I think that’s just what makes them even more special and interesting. Sitting as a fat woman is so often a problem for many, but why is that? Just because we look even fatter when we sit and our bellies keep rollin’, rollin’, rollin’ (I had to… :D)? Everybody has belly rolls when they sit. Everybody looks a bit more like a little Buddha while sitting, especially all crippled on the floor at the beach. What’s the use of deciding not to sit down cause people could see you’re fat? Is it really worth it to try and hide yourself with all forces? Whether you’re standing or sitting, you’re still the same person and when you’re fat, you’re fat. That is that. Nothing bad about this, nothing to be ashamed of. It’s just a fact. And it’s still just an adjective. Even if you can see it and others can see it too. People who actually believe that they have any right to say something, should rather go eff themselves. Maybe we, the fat people, should actually start answering this instead of being ashamed and feeling sorry for our existence, even if that’s not polite at all. But is it polite to tell someone else he or she is disgusting? Or laugh about them? Or point at them with your fingers and whispering something to your friends? Think about it. And then choose to spread some love instead. Did I just contradict my own idea of telling mean people to go eff themselves? YES, I DID. Because: maybe smiling at them and wishing them a lovely day is a better answer to hate. And maybe it makes them think about the shit they just did. Maybe it will change their day, their view on other people. Maybe it won’t change nothing at all. But know that you just proved that you’re not on their low level of no acceptance and no tolerance. And that’s waaaay better. ♥

Photos: Sung-Hee Seewald

» München (Studio)

Swimsuit: Agent Provocateur “Zenaya”

[This post contains affiliate links.]

• Time to grow up | I – Previously on… •

By Posted on 24 4.5K views

You know that situation – after 8 years in a relationship you get kicked via WhatsApp (very short version of my break-up) and then you’re kinda lost with your 27 years – on one hand, because you’re desperately sad, on the other hand, because you somehow got used to that other person and living together with him. You already know what happened → after the break-up, and I’m proud that I’m able to say that I fought my way back into life. I worked hard on my anxiety, created a → bucket list and already checked off a few things, and I had a big goal: coming back to Hamburg.

I finally reached that goal last Sunday and now I’m diving deep into a new adventure. Growing up. With 28. Truth is: I stand by what I’ve done in my life and I stand by my decisions and who I am – but I don’t think that I’m actually grown-up yet (well, when are you?). I had a very sheltered childhood, always felt safe and then ended up in a long-term relationship – I’ve never been alone and I had always got it made, first from my parents, then from my now ex. And then I got thrown into ice-cold water and rescued myself back to my mom and dad – I think that’s a logical reaction, if you’re forced to leave the appartment in which you were living together and can’t find an own place that fast and cannot afford the costs because – and that’s what happens if a blog is also based on pictures – your job is ruined after a separation.

• Recap | June •

By Posted on 16 4.2K views

Yay, we made it through the first half of the year! June is over and it was the most exciting month for me – because it brought the best news ever. I won’t torture you, so here’s the biggest news ever: I’m finally going back to Hamburg! It’s going to be a huge adventure for me and actually a part of my → #SingleBucketList, because I’m being kind of spontaneous and I’m doing new things. I’ll be moving in with a friend at first, we’re gonna share a flat and I’ll have a small room, so it’s gonna be a little bit like last year when I had to leave my stuff behind and could only bring the important things and my cat – that’s exactly what I’m gonna do again. I’m leaving most of my possessions at my parents and am currently packing my stuff for Sunday, when I’ll do another huge thing: I’m driving by car to Hamburg, which means about 6-7 hours of driving alone (with my cat who likes to leak out of all his holes in the car, so the smell is gonna kill me and we’re gonna have to take a shower together afterwards, haha!). I was always very afraid of that, but driving more after 7 years of not driving, kind of got me back at not being a bundle of fear in the car anymore. So I’m gonna do this and I’ll be insanely proud of myself when I arrive safe and sound at my old new home with my friend. I’m so happy and thankful that she gave me this possibility cause it will definitely make things easier for me to find my own place when I’m around. So here’s a little asking for help: if you know someone or anything about a flat – let me know! I’m happy for any tips!

And another exciting story: I found a job! I’m not gonna tell you yet which job I found, but if everything works out and I’m definitely in, you’ll be the first to know, promise! I went to Hamburg for a trial work day and it was so cool, I really loved it and had a lot of fun, so I can’t wait to start my new work! Of course, I’ll continue blogging, but as you already noticed, it’s not that easy to make it happen like all those years before. Plus, as you read in → my latest Private post, I don’t wanna be that shallow anymore, so I feel like the new me will need a new blog, somehow. I’ll have to find out how to work on the outfit posts, will have to find a new photographer (and will miss the amazing friend I made here, → Jacqueline, who took amazing pictures of me while being here!) and I want to start writing more, share stories with you and maybe also write more about Hamburg, places I love, experiences I’ll make with this new start. I’m so looking forward to all this! ♥

June also had another amazing experience for me: I went on my first real vacation. You know, I’ve → already been in Brazil before but, to be honest, that’s no vacation since it means spending time with my family. As much as I love my family, it’s super stressfull, plus Brazil really makes me nervous because it’s such a dangerous place, so that’s not really “going on a vacation”. So, it happened in the beginning of June that I kind of felt like doing something crazy and decided to go to Stockholm for five days. I found cheap flights and a nice hotel and booked my vacation in under five hours. It felt so incredible to do it, especially because I’ve always loved Scandinavia – when I was around 15 years old, I wanted to learn Finnish because I was a huge fan of the band Rasmus and that’s how my love for Finland began, but I also really liked Sweden, so when I saw this nice offer, I just went for it and flew to Stockholm on the 21st. I had a great time there, found a new friend but also spend time alone and overcame my fear of almost everything: I took the subway on my own, walked around unknown places alone, I even rented a car with my friend and drove it (so crazy – a year ago I was actually afraid of driving in Hamburg!), went for lunch and also dinner alone,… and I saw so many amazing locations, including a lovely lake where I spent a perfect summer day at. I’ll definitely come back again! ♥

And my last appointment of June was the last session with my therapist. I really have to say that this was the most amazing thing I’ve done in the twelve months. Such a good decision to start a therapy and getting help! I can only repeat how important it was for my development, especially after the break-up but also for my whole existence. It’s unbelievable how fearful I was, that I didn’t do anything anymore and how scared I was of living a normal life. It’s so amazing to see the progress I made, how many wonderful things I’ve done – from starting to drive again to going out on my own and even going all the way to a city where I’ve never been before, just to see a concert – alone. I’m proud of myself. And it makes me the happiest person ever to be able to say that. ♥

Most popular posts
• Hormone free | Before •

Today is not only the day ...

• Ein offener Brief… •

Sorry, this blog post is only ...

• Recap | March •
Posted on

March was full of surprises and ...

• Private XXIII | One year… •
Posted on

...or: what I learned from the ...