• Time to grow up | I – Previously on… •

• Time to grow up | I – Previously on… •

You know that situation – after 8 years in a relationship you get kicked via WhatsApp (very short version of my break-up) and then you’re kinda lost with your 27 years – on one hand, because you’re desperately sad, on the other hand, because you somehow got used to that other person and living together with him. You already know what happened → after the break-up, and I’m proud that I’m able to say that I fought my way back into life. I worked hard on my anxiety, created a → bucket list and already checked off a few things, and I had a big goal: coming back to Hamburg.

I finally reached that goal last Sunday and now I’m diving deep into a new adventure. Growing up. With 28. Truth is: I stand by what I’ve done in my life and I stand by my decisions and who I am – but I don’t think that I’m actually grown-up yet (well, when are you?). I had a very sheltered childhood, always felt safe and then ended up in a long-term relationship – I’ve never been alone and I had always got it made, first from my parents, then from my now ex. And then I got thrown into ice-cold water and rescued myself back to my mom and dad – I think that’s a logical reaction, if you’re forced to leave the appartment in which you were living together and can’t find an own place that fast and cannot afford the costs because – and that’s what happens if a blog is also based on pictures – your job is ruined after a separation.

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• Recap | June •

• Recap | June •

Yay, we made it through the first half of the year! June is over and it was the most exciting month for me – because it brought the best news ever. I won’t torture you, so here’s the biggest news ever: I’m finally going back to Hamburg! It’s going to be a huge adventure for me and actually a part of my → #SingleBucketList, because I’m being kind of spontaneous and I’m doing new things. I’ll be moving in with a friend at first, we’re gonna share a flat and I’ll have a small room, so it’s gonna be a little bit like last year when I had to leave my stuff behind and could only bring the important things and my cat – that’s exactly what I’m gonna do again. I’m leaving most of my possessions at my parents and am currently packing my stuff for Sunday, when I’ll do another huge thing: I’m driving by car to Hamburg, which means about 6-7 hours of driving alone (with my cat who likes to leak out of all his holes in the car, so the smell is gonna kill me and we’re gonna have to take a shower together afterwards, haha!). I was always very afraid of that, but driving more after 7 years of not driving, kind of got me back at not being a bundle of fear in the car anymore. So I’m gonna do this and I’ll be insanely proud of myself when I arrive safe and sound at my old new home with my friend. I’m so happy and thankful that she gave me this possibility cause it will definitely make things easier for me to find my own place when I’m around. So here’s a little asking for help: if you know someone or anything about a flat – let me know! I’m happy for any tips!

And another exciting story: I found a job! I’m not gonna tell you yet which job I found, but if everything works out and I’m definitely in, you’ll be the first to know, promise! I went to Hamburg for a trial work day and it was so cool, I really loved it and had a lot of fun, so I can’t wait to start my new work! Of course, I’ll continue blogging, but as you already noticed, it’s not that easy to make it happen like all those years before. Plus, as you read in → my latest Private post, I don’t wanna be that shallow anymore, so I feel like the new me will need a new blog, somehow. I’ll have to find out how to work on the outfit posts, will have to find a new photographer (and will miss the amazing friend I made here, → Jacqueline, who took amazing pictures of me while being here!) and I want to start writing more, share stories with you and maybe also write more about Hamburg, places I love, experiences I’ll make with this new start. I’m so looking forward to all this! ♥

June also had another amazing experience for me: I went on my first real vacation. You know, I’ve → already been in Brazil before but, to be honest, that’s no vacation since it means spending time with my family. As much as I love my family, it’s super stressfull, plus Brazil really makes me nervous because it’s such a dangerous place, so that’s not really “going on a vacation”. So, it happened in the beginning of June that I kind of felt like doing something crazy and decided to go to Stockholm for five days. I found cheap flights and a nice hotel and booked my vacation in under five hours. It felt so incredible to do it, especially because I’ve always loved Scandinavia – when I was around 15 years old, I wanted to learn Finnish because I was a huge fan of the band Rasmus and that’s how my love for Finland began, but I also really liked Sweden, so when I saw this nice offer, I just went for it and flew to Stockholm on the 21st. I had a great time there, found a new friend but also spend time alone and overcame my fear of almost everything: I took the subway on my own, walked around unknown places alone, I even rented a car with my friend and drove it (so crazy – a year ago I was actually afraid of driving in Hamburg!), went for lunch and also dinner alone,… and I saw so many amazing locations, including a lovely lake where I spent a perfect summer day at. I’ll definitely come back again! ♥

And my last appointment of June was the last session with my therapist. I really have to say that this was the most amazing thing I’ve done in the twelve months. Such a good decision to start a therapy and getting help! I can only repeat how important it was for my development, especially after the break-up but also for my whole existence. It’s unbelievable how fearful I was, that I didn’t do anything anymore and how scared I was of living a normal life. It’s so amazing to see the progress I made, how many wonderful things I’ve done – from starting to drive again to going out on my own and even going all the way to a city where I’ve never been before, just to see a concert – alone. I’m proud of myself. And it makes me the happiest person ever to be able to say that. ♥

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• Private XXIV | Different •

• Private XXIV | Different •

I want to be different. Don’t get me wrong, this is not going to be an “I’m so much better than the others” or “I’m such a special snowflake” post – but it’s going to be an honest one telling you that the current image of plus-size bloggers and/or influencers does not make me happy. In fact, I’m pretty annoyed right now by the whole way of appearance the business chose to go for. And I’m annoyed by the fact that I’m somehow a part of it.

I am definitely not prudish or pedantic, but I believe that the whole current “sex sells” thing is kind of becoming too much and also not really helpful for how plus-size actually wants to be seen by the world. We keep asking for acceptance and tolerance and at the same time there are so many of my colleagues posting clearly sexual, sometimes even pretty cheap-looking pictures or videos of them on Social Media, obviously looking for attention and craving for followers – not or just partly for the actual body positivity movement.

Yes, I myself have also already posted lots of photos of myself in underwear, even naked, and I’m a true believer that it has to be and is a part of body positivity and empowerment to love and also show yourself in a sexy way. But I feel like it’s kind of getting out of control and becoming a provocation and show-off instead of an actual statement.

I believe that sexuality and also pictures showing that fat people are sexy and have sex are important. These pictures have to be seen as well as skinny peoples’ sexuality in order to change something. The media needs women “like us” to show themselves the same way as skinny women in ads and on international catwalks. The world needs to see women of all kinds, without the “magic” of Photoshop but with the power of self-love and self-confidence that empowers other women to understand that they are amazing just the way they are. There is no need to look like a model, no need to try to look like an unrealistic ideal, no need to change yourself and force yourself into something you’re not. This also applies to disabled bodies, trans bodies and any other body that does not reflect our society’s ideal body type – the skinny and photoshopped one.

But I also believe that plus-size women can be and are so much more than just sexy. I believe that we don’t need to show ourselves all of the time in underwear or naked or upload provocatively sexual pictures when especially on Social Media the actual feedback comes mostly from very disgusting examples of men who don’t even give a fuck about our [body positivity] message but keep telling us how hot we are and then sending us dick pics or harassing us in any other way, while there might be only a handful of women who do think that this is awesome, but still too brave, so they say that they’d never do this cause they’re afraid.

You guys know how important body positivity is to me. And this post is not supposed to shame my blogging and instagramming colleagues. Still, I want to be different. I don’t want to be a part of the “sex sells” movement. Because I feel that I don’t belong to that kind of movement anymore. I don’t wanna promote body positivity by being naked all the time. By shaking my boobs in front of a camera. By showing my naked butt fullsized on a picture. By typing trivial quotes under racy pictures of myself I’d only send to my imaginary boyfriend.

I want to keep writing texts, inspiring and motivating you through words and an actual message.

Of course I’ll still be posting some underwear pictures from time to time. Just because they’re a part of it and because I’m a firm believer that we have nothing to hide as plus-size women. I know that “sex sells” will always be a thing and that’s fine – it’s been like that since what feels like forever and that’s okay. I just don’t feel like being a part of that. I’m actually annoyed that I’ve been a part of that superficial and hollow subculture. Being a fashion blogger is indeed a pretty hollow job if you don’t make it special enough by having a message. And of course, it’s also okay to be one without having a message – you don’t always have to have something to say and it’s not always about being a role model. I’ve never really seen myself as one, even though I know about the responsibility I have by posting pictures of me – however they look like. I know that I want to empower other women (and all genders/identities), I know that I want to motivate and inspire people. Show that being fat is not a problem or the end of the world. You are what you make of it. It’s on you to choose your way. And I chose mine.

• One Night in… Hamburg | 25hours HafenCity •

• One Night in… Hamburg | 25hours HafenCity •

[Werbung | Advertisement – unpaid collaboration with 25hours]

Here comes a new “One Night in…” post – and since I’m currently not living in Hamburg, I can show you one of the most amazing places to stay! Actually, it feels like a home away from home and it’s perfectly located in Hamburg, especially if you get to have a “room with a view” and can watch the Elbe and listen to the seagulls. ♥ During my last visit in Hamburg, I was lucky enough to stay at the → 25hours HafenCity for four nights and it was a blast. I stayed in one of their M Koje+ rooms, which means: medium sized room, perfect queensized bed (I slept like a baby!), view at the harbor (or the garden), air conditioning, free WiFi (yay!), rain shower (so good!), UE Boom Bluetooth speakers (which I used every morning while getting ready for the day!) and a few more extras you can choose in the hotel (like renting a Mini for free or a bike).

As usual – yeah, shame on me, I’m still not a brekkie person and always try to sleep a little more – I missed breakfast every day because I was very busy these days, but I had a peek and it looked amazing, so I’m 100% sure that if you’re someone who loves breakfast, you’ll be totally happy with their offers! Promise! On day one, I just had a late-night snack at their restaurant “Heimat Küche + Bar”, a homemade lemonade and a delicious dessert (“Geeister Kaiserschmarrn”) – totally recommendable. 

Another plus is their location, because you can easily take the U4 which is right across the street or simply walk anywhere – the harbor and also the city are just a 10 minute walk away. So if you’re planning a city trip, this is a great place to stay and start your exploring. :) And if you like to stay in (maybe cause the weather is causing some problems – you never know in Hamburg…), there are some cool indoor specials at the 25hours HafenCity, like a table-top football, retro gaming stations and a nice sauna (also with a view)! And don’t forget to have a look at the most amazing room in this hotel, where you can listen to some records on vinyl. ♥

25hours Hotel Hamburg HafenCity
Überseeallee 5
20457 Hamburg

Reservations:
Mail: res.hafencity@25hours-hotels.com
Phone: +49 (0) 40 25 77 77 255

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