• Private XXII | Game Changer •

• Private XXII | Game Changer •

Photo: Jaqueline Filmore

BEST. DAY. EVER. Some may think I’m talking about my wedding day but nope – the best day of my life so far was Saturday. Not only because I managed to check off another point of my → Single Bucket List and got to see → Lukas Batteau, one of the most amazing musicians ever, but also because I did it alone. Yes. A-L-O-N-E. Somehow, that’s even another point of my bucket list because I actually went on a spontaneous adventure. Since nobody wanted to join me, I decided to go on an adventure by myself. So on Saturday, I sat in my car and drove all the way up to Bad Homburg. My first long drive ever alone. My first time going out alone. My first best decision in life ever.  Okay, I’m kind of exaggerating, but yes – the decision of going on this trip alone was definitely a game changer. 

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• JahresrückBLOG 2017 | III – New Year, New Me… literally. •

• JahresrückBLOG 2017 | III – New Year, New Me… literally. •

Photos: Katharina Kerwer
» Düsseldorf | Hyatt Regency

2017 was a year of changes. It was the worst year of my life and at the same time the best year ever. People like to say “new year, new me” when they start into a new year. For me, 2018 literally means that it’s going to be a new year with a new me, cause I already changed a lot and I’m still in that metamorphosis mood from 2017.

Looking back, I’m pretty sure that what happened to me was the best that could happen to me cause I was stuck. And I wasn’t happy. I was horribly unsatisfied and I was a hostage of my anxieties. The change was unevitable but I wish it would’ve happened a little easier or at least not with the destroying power of a nuclear bomb. But thinking about it, this was probably necessary – otherwise, I wouldn’t have understood that I’ve got to do something.

So – let’s stop philosophizing about this because this is the last part of my recap of the year and all I want to do now is have a look at the things I learned 2017…

I love the #Truthbombs from Danielle LaPorte and this will be my mantra for 2018.

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• Private XXI | Overcoming Depression and Anxiety I •

• Private XXI | Overcoming Depression and Anxiety I •

Photos: Jacqueline Filmore

It’s been some time since I told you about → my struggles with depression and anxiety. I feel like after about half a year I’m ready to give you a first update on my situation. That’s why this post is part one of my story and journey with these two – cause I’m pretty sure that there’s room for more and probably not only a second update. 

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• Hormone free | Before •

• Hormone free | Before •

Today is not only the day I’m finally moving out of Hamburg for good, it’s also the day I’m changing something in my life that’s been a part of it for about 14 years. I decided to share this with you since I believe that this is a very important topic and it’s something we need to talk about more. A few days ago, after already thinking about it for a few years, I decided that I want to stop taking the pill. There are many reasons and these are some of them that led to my decision:

  • I’ve been taking it for 14 years – that’s more than half of my life and definitely not acceptable anymore! I don’t even know who I am without the pill, without all those hormones in my body. I’ve been 13 when I had my period for the first time and got the prescription because of the horrible pain I felt. My gynecologist thinks I may suffer of endometriosis and checking this will be the next step. 
  • Not only have I been taking it for so long, I even took it without doing the pauses because of the pain. My gyn let me do this so I won’t even have my period and therefore avoid the pain. Of course it’s super convenient and lovely not to bleed every month but looking at it from the “natural” side: this is not normal. 
  • The pill is dangerous. Highly dangerous. I mean, only the danger of thrombosis is enormous and I don’t want to live in fear of this anymore.
  • I’m pretty sure my migraine is caused by the pill. And I got it very often. Too often. 

I’m actually a little scared of how my body will react. Like: I’ve always had very good skin, never any problems with pimples during my puberty or after, no acne, no nothing. Only thing I’ve been always struggling with is hormonal (maybe also caused by the pill, who knows?) hair loss. I’m pretty sure that it also didn’t help with my weight to take the pill so excessively. Another thing: diabetes plus period – this is probably going to be hell since it affects the blood sugar. So I’m pretty sure that I’ll have to learn a lot… And then there’s the fact that I’ve never got to know myself, my physical and emotional feelings, my period cycle or anything else without the pill. Thinking about it, this is actually not only terrible but also super sad. 

I’m also scared of the pain I will feel again but I took a very special precaution: I’ve been part of a crowdfunding project called “Livia” – the device is supposed to work like a TENS machine especially created for menstrual pain. This sounded more than appealing to me and I blindly invested my money in this project and around July this year, I finally received my very own lilac “Livia”. And trust me: I’m extremely excited and curious to try it, so somehow, I’m actually looking forward to my next period (sounds horribly crazy because if it doesn’t work, the pain will be unbearable and it will definitely make me consider stopping this whole “no more pill” thing because this is my last chance – regular painkillers never worked for me)… I’ll keep you updated on that – if it works, how it works, etc.

And then there’s another thing I want to try – menstrual cups. I don’t want to use tampons anymore. It’s insane that it’s almost 2018 and the evolution of tampons stopped many years ago and the use of them is also pretty dangerous. And let’s be honest: sanitary pads are a bloody mess (pun intended, haha!). I really don’t like it. The invention of menstrual cups is super cool and I’m excited to get to know them (I’m open for any tips!), even though I won’t be able to use them instantly cause I’ll have to get to know my menstrual cycle. So here I am – ready for everything that’s coming.

Last topic: contraception. I still don’t know which path I’ll take for that. Obviously, there’s loads of stuff to discover, read and learn and I haven’t decided yet, what I want to try. We’ll see. 

So that’s all for now. I’m pretty sure that in two days (at the latest) I’ll cryingly regret my decision but it’s so worth it. The pill is not an option anymore.

Questions for you: who’s on this journey with me? Are there other women who stopped taking the pill or intend to do it (join me, now!)? What are your experiences? How do you feel now? Which contraception method did you choose? Tell me your story if you want to, I’m super curious! :)