One year. Wow. It’s already been a whole year since I moved back to Hamburg, the city I love and where I feel at home. One year and so many things happened, so many changes, so many challenges, so many memories – great ones and not so great ones. It’s been a thrilling year, so I feel like writing a recap is obligatory to share my last year with you.
Sharing a flat with other people.
When I moved back here, the whole flat mates thing started. Hamburg is, apartment-wise, a bad city for single people with only one income. Even worse when you just have a minimum income. Truth is: living with other people is not my thing, I had to learn it the bad way. First, I moved in with a friend (still thankful for the chance, though, so I don’t even wanna say it, but:) but she let me down when I needed her the most. Then, I lived with a total psycho-maniac. And now I’m stuck with a girl who wasn’t very nice and doesn’t talk to me anymore and a boy who’s literally a pig, it’s disgusting. Also, right now, I’m paying WAY too much rent for way too little space and a shithole that needs to be redeveloped, even though I must admit that I live in my favorite part of the city and I don’t really wanna trade it in for something else. But I have to, I just want to live alone, I just can’t deal with this anymore. So while living alone was only on my bucket list last year, it’s my number one priority at the moment. I’m sure that living with other people can be nice, but my experiences were pretty bad. And I really wanna live in my own four walls, have my own life and just be happy.
I can do a lot of things on my own.
You’re probably like “Oh, come on!”, but yes, that was something I would’ve never said two years ago. I kinda did this to myself and decided that now, I have to do it all alone. Just by coming here and being on my own. Many things, I’ve never done before. Stuff that scared me. Problems of which I had absolutely no idea how they work and how I can solve them. I won’t lie – I call my dad very often and he’s my hero. He mostly knows the answers to my questions, but there’s a lot I have to figure out on my own and then DO on my own. And that’s fine. I’m my own badass. :) It’s about knowing that I can do (almost) everything, but I don’t have to. That gives me some kind of safety and the anxiety is easier to handle with that in mind. Of course I cannot do EVERYTHING, but I try. I do the best I can. And that’s something I’m proud of. Even though it’s not always easy.
Work, work, work.
So, work life was something new for me. Not working in general, I mean, being a blogger had also been hard work, but I had to adapt to something new. I’m thankful for all the chances I got, starting in the foodtruck last year in July and August, which was pretty tough cause the summer was extremely hot and selling Grilled Cheese Sandwiches in a truck felt like 800°C. Then, in October, I started to work at a plus-size fashion store, the KurvenHaus, a cool job that kept showing me how important empowerment for fat people is. In February I started to work as a driver for CleverShuttle, a job I was so much looking forward to, but then I had the worst luck ever and had to stop again in April. Next month, I’m starting a new job journey and I’m very much looking forward to it, cause it seems like I’m finally gonna settle and be able to pay for everything I need – this has been a major struggle for the last few months but it’s finally getting better again.
Attending events and having fun on my own.
I’m so glad that coming back here brought me closer to many cool events and fun stuff to do. I learned that it’s absolutely okay to go out on my own and have been a frequent visitor to my favorite bars in town, meeting new people but also hanging out with old friends or just laughing with the bartenders. But there were also official events where I showed up alone (but ended up meeting friends cause same interests!) and it was absolutely fine. For example fashion shows like the Plus Size Fashion Days (except for my dear mother visiting me and finally seeing me on the catwalk after some years, that was such a beautiful moment!), fairs, press days, photo shoots,… Hamburg is full of possibilities and I really enjoy them all. And it’s fun to be able to always bring a new +1 and not always the same date. ;) Oh: and I celebrated my birthday on my own, which was also absolutely fine! Can’t believe I’m saying this, but it’s true. Just wishing for a little party for the next one since it’s gonna be the big ol’ 30. :)
Ah, well, just being a bit dramatic. Love doesn’t suck, but it kinda wasn’t good to me in the past year. I fell in love twice. You already know one story, the bad one. The other one, well, it was beautiful. I was genuinely happy, especially since it lightened up my mood during the bad times. For 2.5 months I was just a girl in love, who got to spend some time with someone who finally felt like a decent guy, who even introduced me to his parents (getting serious there!), but then ended up as just another idiot who didn’t know what he wanted and went for the easy and stupid way – he dumped me for some stupid idea he had in mind about him being someone he’s not. Well, I won’t say “Men.” and roll with my eyes, but it seems like nowadays, it’s really, really hard to find someone who’s honest and actually wants to get to know you, cause obviously, even when they say so, they’re lying. And well… I wasn’t even looking for someone at that time, it just happened and it was good, so I went with the flow. But every loss is also a lesson. And this one made me focus on getting my shit together and done. And here I am, back in the game!
Actual growing up.
Yeah, actually growing up is kinda not fun but at the same time fun cause it’s exciting and you get to experience new stuff. Most of it includes a lot of bills and paperwork which you’d prefer to just set on fire, but then again: it’s part of it and you get used to it. And I’m not all alone, I have my parents to ask for help if anything goes wrong or I have stupid questions. Glad I have them cause there’s almost always at least one stupid question or just the need for a feedback and them telling me it’s okay what I did on my own, haha! Growing up is fun cause you get to decide for yourself. It’s your own life and you’re the one to say what’s gonna happen next. And it feels good. Not really during the bad times cause it often feels like giving up and just hide in your bed could be the best idea, but – and I’ve said it often enough in the past years – giving up is absolutely no option. Crying is okay, complaining is accepted, feeling bad about everything is also fine, but just for a little time. And then you get back up and be a badass and rock your life. :)
My highlights of the past year!
So, there were a few experiences that were super cool and mentionable. I’m proud of everything I’ve achieved in the past year. There were good moments and a lot of bad moments but even the bad ones teach you a lot and make you grow even more. Of course, that’s something you can only say afterwards because during it’s too hard and no fun at all, but every day teaches us a lesson, we just have to open our eyes and face them. :)
- Packing my car and driving back here
- Driving in this city, something I was horribly scared of before
- Actually starting a job as a driver
- Working in a food truck – hard work but very fun work
- Surviving my first job interviews
- Each single drink at my two favorite bars and all those lovely moments with the people there
- Being part of a casting for a movie, I feel like acting could also be something I’d like to do
- Participating at the PSFD, probably for the last time, and having my mother around to see me
- Finally getting divorced – and show up at the appointment alone
- Going on a few fun dates, even though 99% of them didn’t work out
- The concerts I’ve visited: Beach House, Feng Suave, Hippo Campus
- Finding jobs and doing my best
- Getting new tattoos
- Finding a place to finally stay and sign an actual contract – even though it turned out to be a shithole
- Celebrating Christmas and New Year’s Eve with my best friend on FaceTime
- Losing a job, but not losing hope
- Falling in love at 4 am at the most amazing first date
- Getting the new Dexcom G6 and finally a new pump
- My first time in an amusement park – oh, it was the best day ever!
- Surviving my first actual heartbreak, somehow – still sad, though
- Finding the new job I’m starting in August and therefore, finally my chance to make it all work out forever! And since I promised in my last Instagram Live Video that I’d be telling you in this post what’s it gonna be: I’ll be working at fielmann, they’re giving me such a big chance and I’m super thankful. It’s gonna be a job that I’m absolutely sure I’m gonna like and be good at and I’m very much looking forward at starting there. It’s gonna be hard, I know, it’s gonna be a big change in my life, a full-time job, working five days a week – I’m sure I’ll be a zombie in my free time in the first month(s), but I’m so happy to finally have found something to settle down, with a decent salary and with it, the chance to finally find my own place in Hamburg and living the best life I can, something I can be very proud of. It’s gonna be great!