Photo: Jacqueline Filmore
„Hey, I’ll just say it right now, I’m not looking for something serious, I’m freshly out of a relationship.“
„Hello, nice to match you – by the way, I’m just looking for fun!“
„Looking for a ‘friends with benefits’ – you in?“
I don’t even know when exactly it started – I was obviously way too long in a relationship and missed the moment when humanity decided that the model of a simple relationship of 10 years ago is not cool anymore.
Admittedly, I’m not back in that „dating game“ for so long and to be honest, I’m not doing this excessively – I normally use Tinder while on the toilet when I’m bored, and all those other dating apps are pretty proletarian and therefore aren’t my thing. It really makes me wonder why someone would use Lovoo or Badoo (does everything have to end on double-o?) voluntarily. Tinder is pretty much known as a sex app (someone once told me that the name comes from „Titty Finder“ – I kind of doubt that but it’s not too inappropriate), but it seems to be less full of freaks („fuckbois“ all over instead) and halfway respectable.
Of course, my profile says that someone like me – obviously an old school lady – is not looking for sex dates. I seriously don’t. 90% of my matches aren’t interested in that and they seem to think that I’m a prostitute that doesn’t have to be paid without even saying hello. Okay, no problem, you can „de-match“ these people. The remaining 10% are 8% „pretending to be nice and then I’ll drop the ‘I’m not looking for something serious’ bomb“, 1% total freaks and that’s why they’re single (#sorrynotsorry – there was a guy who wanted to cuddle with me while wearing diapers which he also actually uses) and 1% actual candidates for a first date. But that’s material for another Private post.
So now there are a few things I keep asking myself:
What kind of society did we become, in which terms like „Ghosting“ (the classic – simply disappearing without saying anything), „Benching“ (you end up on the substitutes’ bench untill you’re good enough for one or two little hook-ups) or even „Breadcrumbing“ (that’s when you get buttered up from time to time even though nothing ever happens) exist?
Why does nobody want something serious anymore? What’s wrong about being in a “real” relationship?
Why is everybody just looking for a ‘friend with benefits’ but keeps forgetting the friendship part of that (and is actually looking for an affair) or at least the fact that you should know each other before? What’s so horrible about the „duties“ for which you apply when you decide to go for a relationship with someone?
Why does everybody just want to pick out what’s pleasing (and yeah, that’s usually just straightforward sex – not that it was completely reprehensible, we’re all adults, but can this really make you happy?) and all that, prefereably not just with one person but many?
Why does everybody want to get intimate with everybody and leave the most intimate part – feelings!
And my saddest question: why does everybody only live like the principle of „there could be something better coming around“? Because that’s how it looks like to me after a short time: you keep taking the next best but keep hoping for something better, so you can easily exchange it – like a toy that’s not as cool anymore or of which there’s an upgraded version.
Dating kind of became a bazar. A pretty fast-moving and kind of not funny one. We swipe left, we swipe right, we size each other up in passing before we chose quick sex at best without feelings for straightforwardness’s sake, while having already planned our next week’s affairs. Today at my place, tomorrow at yours – nah, wait, I’d rather do it at his place! Tinder and Co. should release a schedule planner where you can write down your dates with a few key figures (name, number, sex quality).
You keep reading the term „Generation ‘incapable of relationships’“, so I didn’t even want to use it for today’s blog post because it’s too much of a cliché, but it still fits. Even though I’d like to correct it into „Generation ‘not interested in relationships’“ or „Generation ‘flexible about relationships’“. It’s not like we’re actually incapable – because especially those models like „friends with benefits“ live from an intact relationship, if you’re doing it properly. You’re friends, go out together, but you also have sex. Kind of like a classic partnership. But you don’t call it like that.
Because there could appear a better „friendship“ with your next swipe. And this doesn’t have anything to do with inability, it’s simply sad.