Photo: Sung-Hee Seewald
You know that situation – after 8 years in a relationship you get kicked via WhatsApp (very short version of my break-up) and then you’re kinda lost with your 27 years – on one hand, because you’re desperately sad, on the other hand, because you somehow got used to that other person and living together with him. You already know what happened → after the break-up, and I’m proud that I’m able to say that I fought my way back into life. I worked hard on my anxiety, created a → bucket list and already checked off a few things, and I had a big goal: coming back to Hamburg.
I finally reached that goal last Sunday and now I’m diving deep into a new adventure. Growing up. With 28. Truth is: I stand by what I’ve done in my life and I stand by my decisions and who I am – but I don’t think that I’m actually grown-up yet (well, when are you?). I had a very sheltered childhood, always felt safe and then ended up in a long-term relationship – I’ve never been alone and I had always got it made, first from my parents, then from my now ex. And then I got thrown into ice-cold water and rescued myself back to my mom and dad – I think that’s a logical reaction, if you’re forced to leave the appartment in which you were living together and can’t find an own place that fast and cannot afford the costs because – and that’s what happens if a blog is also based on pictures – your job is ruined after a separation.
I went back to zero and my parents caught me up and I’m forever thankful for that. Yet, that’s no option for a long time. I was unhappy to be back in the village, while my heart won’t stop beating for Hamburg. I wasn’t happy cause there’s nothing that holds me down there in the nice but, for me, pretty boring Franconia (except for a few great friends and maybe my favorite sushi spot and bar – but I guess you can „easily“ find an alternative for the latter ones). And I → felt like a little child – protected by my parents. That’s great in the beginning, but then it gets horribly annoying, cause you’re old enough to be independent.
I’ve → gone through a whole year of therapy – the best decision I’ve ever made. And I’ve said it so often already but it’s just so important to mention: depression, anxiety, all that is no reason to try living with it on your own. There is help and you should accept it. Of course it’s not always easypeasy to find the right person in an instant, but it’s worth it so much and can bring you so far.
So – why I’m writing this blog post: I promised to take you on this journey with me and I want to continue with it. I also told you that I would like to write more again. I want to be a blogger with content. That was always important to me – it’s not primarily nice pictures, even though they are important to me too and I always wanted to do high quality pictures and coherent photo series. But what’s so much more important to me is that I wanna have something to say, have an added value. Not just look pretty, but use my voice. I want to prove to others that you can fall flat on your face but get up again.
I want to show that there’s no reason to let negativity get too much room in your lives, that it’s worth it to fight – for what you dream of. No matter how hard it’s gonna be, no matter what it costs.
With 28 years, I’ve dared to make a big step that others usually do a lot earlier, latest when they start studiying and have to go to a different city and sharing a flat is a handy solution.
I’m sitting now in a small room, again only little stuff with me, but I’m in my favorite city, with a small job that logically won’t be enough to survive, but it’s a chance. And somehow I’m also starting to study – philosophically said: the study of life. And even though my fears don’t really like it (of course, right?), I have to go through this – WANT to go through this.
It’s time to grow up. And that’s what I’ve finally started to do now.