• Private XXIV | Different •

• Private XXIV | Different •

I want to be different. Don’t get me wrong, this is not going to be an “I’m so much better than the others” or “I’m such a special snowflake” post – but it’s going to be an honest one telling you that the current image of plus-size bloggers and/or influencers does not make me happy. In fact, I’m pretty annoyed right now by the whole way of appearance the business chose to go for. And I’m annoyed by the fact that I’m somehow a part of it.

I am definitely not prudish or pedantic, but I believe that the whole current “sex sells” thing is kind of becoming too much and also not really helpful for how plus-size actually wants to be seen by the world. We keep asking for acceptance and tolerance and at the same time there are so many of my colleagues posting clearly sexual, sometimes even pretty cheap-looking pictures or videos of them on Social Media, obviously looking for attention and craving for followers – not or just partly for the actual body positivity movement.

Yes, I myself have also already posted lots of photos of myself in underwear, even naked, and I’m a true believer that it has to be and is a part of body positivity and empowerment to love and also show yourself in a sexy way. But I feel like it’s kind of getting out of control and becoming a provocation and show-off instead of an actual statement.

I believe that sexuality and also pictures showing that fat people are sexy and have sex are important. These pictures have to be seen as well as skinny peoples’ sexuality in order to change something. The media needs women “like us” to show themselves the same way as skinny women in ads and on international catwalks. The world needs to see women of all kinds, without the “magic” of Photoshop but with the power of self-love and self-confidence that empowers other women to understand that they are amazing just the way they are. There is no need to look like a model, no need to try to look like an unrealistic ideal, no need to change yourself and force yourself into something you’re not. This also applies to disabled bodies, trans bodies and any other body that does not reflect our society’s ideal body type – the skinny and photoshopped one.

But I also believe that plus-size women can be and are so much more than just sexy. I believe that we don’t need to show ourselves all of the time in underwear or naked or upload provocatively sexual pictures when especially on Social Media the actual feedback comes mostly from very disgusting examples of men who don’t even give a fuck about our [body positivity] message but keep telling us how hot we are and then sending us dick pics or harassing us in any other way, while there might be only a handful of women who do think that this is awesome, but still too brave, so they say that they’d never do this cause they’re afraid.

You guys know how important body positivity is to me. And this post is not supposed to shame my blogging and instagramming colleagues. Still, I want to be different. I don’t want to be a part of the “sex sells” movement. Because I feel that I don’t belong to that kind of movement anymore. I don’t wanna promote body positivity by being naked all the time. By shaking my boobs in front of a camera. By showing my naked butt fullsized on a picture. By typing trivial quotes under racy pictures of myself I’d only send to my imaginary boyfriend.

I want to keep writing texts, inspiring and motivating you through words and an actual message.

Of course I’ll still be posting some underwear pictures from time to time. Just because they’re a part of it and because I’m a firm believer that we have nothing to hide as plus-size women. I know that “sex sells” will always be a thing and that’s fine – it’s been like that since what feels like forever and that’s okay. I just don’t feel like being a part of that. I’m actually annoyed that I’ve been a part of that superficial and hollow subculture. Being a fashion blogger is indeed a pretty hollow job if you don’t make it special enough by having a message. And of course, it’s also okay to be one without having a message – you don’t always have to have something to say and it’s not always about being a role model. I’ve never really seen myself as one, even though I know about the responsibility I have by posting pictures of me – however they look like. I know that I want to empower other women (and all genders/identities), I know that I want to motivate and inspire people. Show that being fat is not a problem or the end of the world. You are what you make of it. It’s on you to choose your way. And I chose mine.

• Private XIX | Unapologetically me. •

• Private XIX | Unapologetically me. •

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Photos: Sung-Hee Seewald

During interviews, the question “Did you always feel good in your body?” is usually one of the first questions. As if it was a masterly performance to be satisfied with yourself or as if I should rather lie and/or be ashamed of it – because I’m fat. And I should feel bad about it. Thanks!

Of course I know that it’s not the easiest thing to look at yourself (especially naked) in the mirror and say “Hey, I’m awesome the way I am!” if everybody and everything is telling you all the time that you’re not – unless you change this and that and most important: you lose weight. Because only as a thin person you’re a valuable part of this society, accepted and tolerated, beautiful and desirable. If you’re fat, the best “compliment” you can expect is that you have a pretty face – usually this is weakened by a passing “If you were thin…” plus a random positive development you could achieve in your life. Be it with men, at your job, anywhere: if you’re skinny, you’re automatically better. And then, when you’re thinner, you notice that it wasn’t that much worth it, because if you’re not fundamentally happy with yourself, the few sizes less won’t change anything. Only the diet industry will be cheering loudly cause they recruited another disciple, a new member of their “sect”, for which counting calories or “points” is as holy and will bring you the same light as twelve “Ave Maria”. Isn’t it sad to think negatively about food and yourself all the time? Is that really worth it?

Now I’ve certainly been a lot thinner 8 years ago when I started this blog. I wasn’t skinny-skinny but a lot skinnier than today. Back then, I wore an average EU size 38, today it’s 44-48. For some who approach me about that from time to time, it seems to be a catastrophe of a horrible dimension, they’re horrified and convinced that it should be some kind of apocalypse for me, they can’t understand at all how something “like this” could happen, and they’re left pretty confused when they see that I’m not as distraught as they are. Cause for me, it’s really not that terrible.

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• Private XV | Naked •

• Private XV | Naked •

I guess you can see what today’s Private post is about – well, it’s not about literally being naked, but the real #nomakeup without exceptions. No foundation, no concealer, no mascara, no filter. Because this world needs to see more naturalness, more realness – and less “perfection”. The picture above was taken right after removing my make-up and I felt beautiful at this moment. The ones below show my happy self after taking a shower (yup, these are selfies and the sun was shining so brightly I couldn’t help but take some shining pictures!). :)

To be honest, today’s post is not a favorite thing for me to do because I love make-up, I’ve loved playing with it since I was a little kid, and I love wearing it to make myself feel ready to face the world. I love showing me like this, all made up. It sounds pretty dramatic, I know, but make-up is kind of my cocoon when I want to feel great and beautiful. And this is a fact that actually makes me a bit sad – because we’re all beautiful without make-up. We don’t need to hide behind several layers of BB Creams and powder, behind shimmering eye shadow and the perfect “cat eye” liner. And yet people expect a woman to wear make-up – because that’s what a woman’s supposed to do. A woman’s supposed to be pretty. If she isn’t/doesn’t wear make-up, she “doesn’t care about herself” and “isn’t interested in looking good”. Brands sell stuff to make you “shine bright like a diamond”, give us the “fake lashes look” and plump up our lips to be “kissable”. Celebrities post their #wokeuplikethis pics on Instagram and simply “forget” to mention the one-hour routine with their make-up artists before posting a selfie with the hashtag #nomakeup (but hey: it’s really not that easy to achieve a natural-looking make-up, it’s even harder to do than smoky eyes!). But why lie to us? Lie to ourselves? Because women need to look pretty?

With today’s post I want to contribute to the real #nomakeup thing – because I like myself like this. I go out like this and I love my face without make-up (as much as I love the routine of putting on all these products and seeing the final result – it’s just so fascinating!). This is me at my purest.

#nomakeup

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• Urban Decay NAKED Smoky •

• Urban Decay NAKED Smoky •

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This is my first full-sized NAKED palette from Urban Decay (I’ve already got a small one, the → “NAKED 2 Basics” palette) and I must say: this one is definitely worth the hype. I wasn’t very interested in the three NAKEDs before – just because even though I love a good nude eye shadow, I didn’t find them special enough to buy one. Also, especially as a blogger, I’ve got a huge collection of eye shadows, including many nude shades, that’s why I just didn’t feel the need to own one.
Last week, I was invited to the launch event of the palette in Berlin and Urban Decay sure know how to throw a great party, but also how to create an incredibly wonderful palette full of different smoky shades from nudes (had to be, right) to greyish tones to an oily black (my favorite!). It even includes a dark purple smoky shade and a matte smoked khaki. You can find shimmering, satin and matte finishes plus a double-sided synthetic brush (one side is a small eye shadow brush, the other one is perfect for blending – just what you need with this smoky palette!).

Here’s my review of → Urban Decay’s NAKED Smoky

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